Smokers

Smokers are a threat to humanity and must be stopped. Are they all self centered, ill mannered, un-sophisticated, addicted boobs?

Here are my complaints about them.

1. Butt thumpers. You know, that special well practiced move at the end of their disgusting habit when they thump the butt out of the window of a car, into the butt laden landscaping in front of the entrance to your office, home, or business. I especially love it when it lands on the hood of my car, or flies into the window of my car as I'm travelling down the interstate. Use your ashtray you filthy littering pigs! Where do you think those butts go? Cigarette heaven? They go on the ground and stay there forever you idiot!

2. Arsonists. Those are the butt thumpers who thump their burning butts into dry grass or mulch and start a fire. You are truly brilliant in your ignorance.

3. Destroyers. Those are the socially inept smokers who leave burning cigarettes on the edge of bars, sinks, urinals, toilets, counter tops, tubs, mantels and leave the owners of those objects with burnt brown marks until they have to pay thousands of dollars to have them replaced only to have you burn marks in the new items days after installation.

4. Grinders. These are the trailer trash smokers who drop their butts into carpet, tile, and wood floors of your homes and business and then grind the burning butts so that you are sure to have a permanently scarred interior. What's amazing is how they don't even look guilty. If you want to mark your territory, why don't you just pee in the corner?

5. Tappers. These are the annoying smokers who constantly tap or pound their cigarette packs prior to opening for some unknown reason. Who convinced these morons that this is necessary? One friend of mine told me he does it to make sure all the tobacco is packed in the cigarettes before he opens them. Anyone seen a cigarette where all the tobacco fell out of the tip when opened?

6. Optimists. These are the smokers who leave the funeral of a relative who just died of lung cancer so they can go outside and grab a quick smoke.

7. Blowers. These are the courteous smokers (so they think) who blow their smoke to one side to avoid their friends. Unfortunately, it's usually the side that I'm standing on.

8. Short sighted. These are the ones who are always just in front of you in the line at 7-11 or while your trying to pay for gas. They buy one pack of cigarettes. Why do people who smoke 2 packs a day, 7 days a week, never buy a carton of cigarettes. Instead, they spend their time clogging up the lines at local convenience stores.

9. Indignant. These are those who can't seem to handle the fact that there are no tall, slim, soft, ultras behind the counter. Also see "Short sighted" above.

10. Denial. That is the state most smokers are in when you mention they might be addicted. If I woke up every morning and had shot of whiskey, stopped for a shot just before walking in the front door of work, took 4 breaks during the day to grab a quick swig, drank the entire drive home, would only go out to places where I could drink whiskey, and if they didn't serve it, would go outside an grab a shot, then had several shots before going to bed, MY FRIENDS WOULD KNOW I WAS ADDICTED AND WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If I denied that I was addicted, my friends and family would intervene and get me treatment. Why don't we do the same thing for smokers? Why?